Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
There is nothing louder than a party across the street that you weren’t invited to.
For every bad idea you have, I’m always there to tell you…I’m in.
I swear my cat was an alarm clock in a previous life...
Is it really necessary for the first square of toilet paper to be glued down?
looong and hard, yep thats my pencil.
I don`t know why I don`t buy more piñatas. Like right now I would love to beat the shit out of something and then eat a bunch of candy.
Me: *kisses her on both cheeks goodbye* Cashier: That`s really not necessary
Everything I need to know in life I learned in kindergarten... if you poop your pants they let you go home.
What idiot called it the toaster and not the tanning bread?
Nice try salad bars, there`s only one kinda bar I plan on attending.
I tried counting sheep to get to sleep, but one was missing and now I’m gonna be up all night worrying.
If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?
I ordered myself an Eastern European bride online. SO EXCITED. Just received confirmation… My Czech is in the mail!
I have nothing to update. I`m just making it look like I`m doing something at a party so people won`t talk to me.
Do you want to hear a joke about constipation and dementia? ...Well, tough sh!t, I forgot it.