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It`s called "Biscotti" because nobody would buy "chocolate covered croutons".
I`m trying to live healthier......but I`m considering taking up cigars, since they`re still the coolest way to light dynamite fuses.
I like to friend friends of friends then unfriend the first friend to freak out the friend of a friend.
That person who waits to the last minute to change lanes and expects you to make room. NOT ON MY WATCH!
Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
Somebody has to be awesome…might as well be me.
Ugh, I have an ingrown hair and it really hurts. This sounds like a job for medical marijuana.
The bottle of Pepto Bismol say’s 4 out of every 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one of them enjoys it?
Legalizing same sex marriage. I thought all sex was the same after marriage.
Dear person reading this, just want you to know that someone cares about you. It`s not me, but I`m sure someone does...
Don`t have sex man, it leads to kissing and pretty soon you will have to start talking to her..
If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and emailed me 3 days later asking if I have a job yet
I always wear a wedding ring when I go grocery shopping, so everyone thinks my cart full of groceries are for a family of 4 instead of just me
on a scale of 1-10 how honest are you? I would say 10 but then i would be lying!
I may not be the only egomaniac around here, but I’m the only one that matters.