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I`m still kinda pissed that they never did tell us how to get to sesame street
April 1st is the absolute worst day to have a heart attack.
Dancing in the 70`s: I have absolutely no idea what I am pointing at
Chili for breakfast. Cause I hate my Co-workers.
Don`t believe everything you think.
How do I tell a man he loves me?
It’s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
Everyone always talks about the early bird. How about the early worm? How´d that work out for him?
Why do sandwiches taste so much better when they are cut diagonally?
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, sex with strangers. You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad"
Sometimes, I send game request just to piss people off :)
Dogs are God`s way of apologizing for your relatives.
There is nothing worse then trying to watch porn with a slow internet connection.
I drive safer when there`s food on my passenger seat than when there`s a person sitting there.