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So in between the 4 seconds that I missed your call and managed to call ya back, you`ve fallen off the face of the earth?
If Coca-Cola REALLY cared about the obesity problem they`d put cocaine back in their recipe.
New word of the day: Stupidiot!!
One out of every 4 Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they´re okay, then it´s you.
A show called the view shouldn`t hurt your eyes
How do American chickens cross the road? In a bucket.
Hooray ! My face book film has been nominated for an Academy Award
No, I don`t need a Fitbit. I can count to 45 by myself.
Do you think the dude that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
I’ve been really depressed these past few days. Finally visited a therapist and got diagnosed. Turns out, I’m poor.
Can`t we all just hit a bong?
My 17yo pretends he doesn`t understand how the washer works when I ask him to do the laundry Congrats, you`re finally a man
I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!
How long are Winnie the Pooh and Tigger going to ignore the fact there`s something seriously wrong with Eeyore
I once met a guy who was addicted to huffing brake fluid. He said he could stop any time.