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Next time you take your dog for a walk pretend he`s solving a mystery.
When I say "It’s a long story" It usually means I just don’t want to tell you it.
I gave my boyfriend a glue stick instead of a Chapstick last weekend, and he`s still not talking to me!
Please God take me back to being 12 & let me start again & mess up my life in an entirely different way. I have fresh ideas.
Did you ever think that one day you would be this addicted to reading and writing?
I can`t wait to get home and have make-up sex! ... I`ve been arguing all day with myself.
Did I already do my deja vu joke?
screw flowers, its all about chia pets ;)
As an adult, I’m not eating nearly as much ice cream as 10 year old me thought I would.
You are by far my smartest and best looking friend on Facebook.
This Halloween, the only Candy I`m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
Some people think I`m quiet, others wish I was.
My ex was in a swimming competition with 19 other women today. They were doing the breaststroke. Unfortunately, she came in last place. She didn`t know she could have used her arms!
I was trying to have a mature arguement but "look, you ignorant f*cktard" just popped out
It`s called NASCAR because that`s the way a hillbilly pronounces "nice car"