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I put the pro in inappropriate.
I pack an hour before leaving for a trip but unpacks 3 months after coming home
Sleeping alone is a complete waste of my sexual talent.....
It only takes a second to show a person how much you feel about them. The police call it indecent exposure, but whatever...
200 pictures of you at the bar and 2 pictures with your kids. You must be quite the mom.
If they have an Ice Cream Truck for kids why don’t that have a Beer Truck for adults?
Me: You`ve dimmed the lights already, aren`t we forward? * smiles suggestively * Optometrist: Just read the letters on the screen.
When I see names carved into a tree I don’t think it’s cute, I just think its strange how many people take knives on a date.
Sometimes I whisper, "I`m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world...
Cut out the middleman and just list 911 as your emergency contact.
My shrink says if I take these pills I won`t see you guys anymore.
I`m afraid of a world run by adults who were never spanked as kids and got trophies just for participating.
I love the phrase "boobie trapped" I mean, who doesn`t like to be trapped by boobies????
Coffee gives me the illusion I`m actually awake
Saw A bumper sticker that said "Fat People Are Harder To Kidnap" not sure if he was a proud fat man or a disgruntled kidnapper though.