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“I don’t watch tv” proudly says a person who spend 8 hours a day on the internet.
"Does my uniform make me look fat?" -Insecurity guard
Internet dating: the odds are good but the goods are odd.
Sunglasses allow you to stare at people without getting caught. It`s like facebook in real life.
"Mary had a little lamb. That`s had." - the wolf
If I owned an auto collision shop, I’d name it “Auto Correct.”
What’s a drunken pirates worst nightmare? A sunken booty with no chest.
I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves
Today is "find your active cavity at 50% off" day at your local store.
is currently amending my "Who gets money" list when I win the lottery ... who has something nice to say?
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really really fast :)
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s ass to fall off.
Sometimes a special someone walks right into your life and helps you realize how much better your life was before they walked into it.
It´s not that I hate you, it´s just.. well I´ll put it this way.. if you were on fire & I had water, I´d drink it.
The phrase "use of the jerk-off motion is prohibited" has been added to our HR manual because of me. It`s like winning an award.