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Why are there stitch marks on zombies? Who the heck is giving them medical attention?!
I kind of like it getting dark so early because it gives me a great excuse to just stay inside and watch TV.
Make sure your goals are unattainable so you`ll feel a little better about giving up later
I wonder if Sallys parents were like "Yeah great idea Sally. Sell seashells. On the seashore. Where there are tons of free shells. Idiot."
Sometimes when I`m bored, I pick out a girl from my list of FB friends that I`ve never actually met and then go back on her timeline and like every single post she made in like 2009......That should freak her out a bit...
My give a damn is busted! Parts on backorder....
When plastic bags become currency, I will be king.
I can`t believe we made a movie that is essentially giving the apes a blueprint on how to take over the Earth.
Is it so much to ask that everyone who ever wronged me be forced to leave the country and change their identity?
Wife: Hi honey, did you miss me? Husband: With every bullet so far...
Common sense is so rare it should be classified as a super power
If you get angry, just relax, take a deep breath and count to ten, unless you`re angry about oxygen and numbers.
Last time I saw jugs that big, 2 hillbillies were blowing on them.
Netflix basically has every movie, except for the ones I actually want to watch.
Black holes must be where God divided by zero.