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Kill them with kindness ..and then fart as you walk away
You know vacation should be over when all you do is sit around naked, drinking fruity malt liquor beverages
Someday, I hope to be so rich that I`ll never be happy again.
“Until death do us part” means we’re all single in heaven, right?
Here`s to ignoring our real problems and getting outraged about something on the internet.
Weird how “news” and “fact checking” are treated like two separate concepts these days.
Can we all just agree to start spelling it "Wensday"?
You know what’s funny? Lot’s of sh!t. Loosen up already.
Why am I not allowed to post anything on here?
Not now, I`m busy bringing shame to my family on the internet.
You never know what you have until you clean your room.
They`re teaching kids that abstinence is 100% more effective in preventing pregnancy than birth control, try telling that one to Jesus`s mother!
I`d say that most of my mistakes can be traced back to when I decided to get out of bed. ... just sayin! ;)
I thought we had nothing in common until I saw you buying 3 margaritas at a time.