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I think I really have an amazing butt. Every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say "what an ass.."
I can’t wait until I get that job at Starbucks because I’m going to spell everyone’s name wrong so they can’t instagram their cups.
My life is just one long improvisation.
Never underestimate a girl’s ability to find things out.
Overwhelming scientific evidence suggests a startling number of people are capable of ignoring overwhelming scientific evidence.
In order to get my teenagers attention I shut off the WiFi router and wait for them in the room it`s in.
I`m beginning to think they invented the wireless mouse just so there was one less thing to use to hang yourself with at work.
Pillow forts have no age limit when you’re awesome.
People who peel the entire banana before eating it must be the same ones who take off all their clothes to go to the bathroom.
My date is in 2 hours, which means I have very little time to fix my glasses and fix my bangs and get a career and lose 50 pounds
How come people who think they know everything never seem to know when to shut up?
To be clever can be difficult without caffiene.
Every photo taken inside my house has at least one laundry basket in the background.
These Jehovah`s Witnesses are getting creative. They are now knocking on my door dressed as cops saying they have a warrant.
:): The Bipolar smiley face