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My girlfriend just threw away a bubble wrap without popping it. Just like that. I`m dating an animal :(
Stop complaining about being single. We have bigger problems here. Like why McDonald’s doesn’t serve breakfast after 10:30.
If they put beer in CapriSun pouches I could fit a lot more in my cooler. Just thought I`d throw that out there, people who invent sh!t.
I yawn all day at work & school. But when it comes to at night, I’m not tired at all.
You had me at “We’ll make it look like an accident.”
Today I met one of those people on the bus that gets all pissed off when you put your finger in their mouth when they yawn.
Next time a guy asks for your number, write it down in Roman numerals. If he manages to call you, he`s a keeper.
Nothing ruins a perfectly good mood like reality.
You know what would make my cubicle super cute? Fire.
this is a status you spent your time reading: sj
I woke up feeling strange this morning...I felt Rested and Relaxed so I immediately Googled my symptoms. Turns out I had a `Sleep in` Apparently it`s not harmful but may be addictive. . .
You`d think by episode 133 the Scooby Doo gang would know it`s a guy in a costume every time.
The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza…
When a newscaster says; "I am live at the scene with a person who witnessed the accident," what they really mean is; "Check out this douchetard we found at the scene of this crash."
You know you`re drunk when you sit down on the toilet & try to put your seatbelt on