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I clean my house like everyone else ... 5 minutes before someone comes over.
Beheaded our snowman to let winter know we mean business.
Behind every great woman there is a man who loves doggystyle.
My neighbor came rudely banging at my door at 2:30 am, luckily for him I was up practicing on my new drums
My resolution for the New Year is to find more situations where it`s acceptable to wear a bathrobe out in public
My house looks like I`m losing a game of Jumanji.
If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, Iām gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
Warning!! Today I will be coloring OUTSIDE the lines..
Facebook needs a "settle down" button.. You tap on a friend`s profile, that locks them out for a day so they can work through stuff privately..
I`m all for change as long as it doesn`t directly affect my routine.
Likes doing tokyo drifts with the shopping carts when I round the corner of each isle at Walmart.
This drag race is not at all what I expected. Are they in dresses inside of the cars, at least?
Don`t EVER break a pinky promise. That sh!t is LEGIT.
It looks like bathroom tai chi but it`s me trying to trigger the automatic paper towel dispenser.
The only thing instant glue sticks to instantly is fingers.