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I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off my lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I hit a cyclist....
Could you guys just scroll a little? I was really funny yesterday.
Am I the only one who calculates how much sleep I can get before I go to bed?
It`s a little disappointing when you`re watching a school basket ball game & no one turns into a werewolf.
I just saw a guy with the Monster energy logo tattooed on his neck, so if your village is missing their idiot, we have him.
Instead of the John, I call my bathroom the Jim...that way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim every morning.
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die.
I`m no expert, but I`m pretty sure a lot of economic problems could be solved by extending the McDonald`s breakfast menu back out to 11am.
I didn`t fall. The floor just needed a hug.
You bring the friendship, I`ll bring the benefits.
FYI....just in case something happens.....The cashier at the liquor store down the street is my emergency contact person.
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, nobody else wanted them either :)
Why do pickup truck commercials think it`s very important that I`m able to tow a plane?
When I am working, I get paid to be nice. I don`t understand why my friends and family expect me to do it for free during my time off.