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If a guy runs his fingers through your hair, there is a 33.3% chance you are being used as a napkin.
I find you`re total lack of ambition is inspiring.
At what point does the dentist stop giving you toothbrushes? Dude, Iām forty. I have one.
The bible says you can`t buy your way into heaven but there isn`t a church in the country that won`t encourage you to try.
I really should learn to say "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"
Forget beauty sleep. I want skinny sleep.
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
I`m getting sick of these porn sites listing my videos as "amateur".
Women have to deal with periods, pregnancy, childbirth, menopause and hot flashes. Men have to deal with women.
I`m starting to get that "f*ck it" attitude about everything..
Iām at the age where all my posts start with the phrase āIām at the age where.ā
Iām on a forgotten-name basis with quite a lot of people.
If zombies attack the world, everyone will run and hide. Except for us gamers, of course. We`ve been waiting for this all our lives!
I`m just like you ... Only smarter and better looking.
If I die, bury me with fire extinguishers. Because: Hell