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I love running my fingers through my girlfriend`s hair. It`s also a great way to let her know we`re out of napkins.
If gas prices keep going up I`m cutting off the bottom of my car and I`m "Flintstoning" That mf!
Your family tree has a couple of coconuts
When you called me a b*tch, did you mean it as an insult or a compliment?
My nephew asked me what marriage was like. So I gave him a candy bar and told him not to eat it.
Wanted: Someone to hand feed me Cheetos so my fingers don`t get orange..... P.S. No weirdos.
My husband is not allowed to help with math anymore. Apperently 4 = 6.5 in his reality.
New kitchen game: `Fridge and Cupboard Tetris`- Putting the possibility of being pummeled by a food avalanche on a whole new level of adventure.
These kids next door to me need to quit yelling. I`m about to wake up their mom and send her back over there.
I can almost always tell if a movie doesn`t use Real dinosaurs.
I hope I die doing something extreme like climbing Mt. Everest or telling a woman I don`t like her new haircut.
Do the right thing today: Go to someone`s profile, scroll down 4 months, and like something.
I put the PRO in inappropriate!
I may be asking too much of this coffee.
Iām having a free beer contest tonight. The 1st person to bring me a case of beer gets to watch me drink it. FOR FREE!