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FYI: The signs that say "Falling Rocks"....I tried it.....it doesn`t.
Am I the only one who runs up on happy couples and yells, "How could you do this to me" and then runs off crying?
If you can´t say anything nice ... we´re probably related.
Take your age. Subtract 3. Then add 3. That is your age.
Why is it called stealing when your WIFI is trespassing in my house?
if your an astronaut, and you don`t end a relationship with "look, I just need space.." then your wasting everyones time
I miss the old days when street gangs asserted their dominance through aggressive hair combing.
A bachelor party is a lot more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have
The well behaved rarely make history.
The two major causes of depression are: a) having a job, and b) not having a job.
Am I the only one who closes the silverware drawer with an epic pelvic thrust?
Don’t compare yourself to others, that’s when you start to lose confidence in yourself.
For your final meal request to eat the electric chair and then the warden will be like well now what do we do he ate our electric chair
Sometimes, half your sh!t is worth it.