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The only problem with using the treadmill is that you can`t run from your own farts.
I saw a poor old lady fall over today, at least I presume she was poor, she only had $ 1,20 in her purse
"Kids are great when you need help around the house." - People who don`t have kids
Do bees even have knees?
I put my phone on Airplane Mode and now I can`t find it...
Saying “sounds good” is probably the nicest way to abruptly end a conversation.
Everytime I find the key to happiness, somebody changes the lock.
I am Bad and thats Good. I will never be Good and thats not Bad. There`s no one i`d rather be than ME.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don`t come into work.
Deep down I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
You’re not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.
If it doesn’t involve food or sleep, I’m probably not interested.
You ever want to just grab someone and say, WTF is wrong with you?
Besides being curled up on the bathroom floor convinced I was dying from liver failure for a few hours, last night was fun.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.