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On a scale from 0 to insane, I`m Batman!
Sorry, kids. It appears ninjas ate all of our Halloween candy.
Would a transformer buy life insurance or car insurance?
A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn`t answer the phone.
I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet. It reminds me of why there is no money in there.
Some people should be ticketed for wearing spandex
As your best friend, I swear to always pretend to be your lesbian lover when you are getting hit on by an ulgy ass hole in a bar.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to .... unless your in prison!!!
I really respect people that don`t drink excessively, gamble, curse, do drugs, spend excessively, act irresponsibly and stay up late. And by "respect" I mean "don`t wanna hang out with"
Applebees is a word that starts off pretty tame but takes a dangerous twist
I was blown away when I realised the word " OK " is a side ways person.
You never know how dirty a song’s lyrics are…until you hear a child sing them.
Hawaii is a great place to live if you hate being eligible for contests.
When I get in an elevator, before I press a button I look at everyone inside and say “Are you ready to take this sh!t to a whole new level?”
To Do: Figure out how to get paid to travel the world and eat.