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Talked to someone in person today....what a pain in the a$$ that was!
Wanted: Magic hat for a snowman
I don’t just say crazy things on the internet, I do that in real life too.
A woman at my gym has a jellyfish tattoo on her arm ... So I peed on her
Do you ever just get a random burst of motivation to clean your house, write a novel, paint a masterpiece or read a book ... Yeah, me neither.
I didn`t see anyone important yesterday, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes today.
If it looks like a pig and walks like a pig, do me a favor & tell my ex girlfriend I said hello.
Why are clothes so expensive? I shouldn`t have to pay so much to not be naked. Other people should pay me not to be naked.
So this guy pointing a gun to my face was like: Your money or your life! and I was like: I`m on Facebook, I don`t have money or a life.
If a Police Officer says, Anything you say will be taken down & used as evidence... Your answer should always be, Please don`t hit me again officer...
LOL` the biggest lie on the internet.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
So I wanted to publicly apologize for not doing the ice bucket challenge for everyone that nominated me. I don`t give money to charity, unless she is on stage B at 11:30.
So apparently, all you can eat buffets do not include the waitresses...
LIFE HACK: Sneak into doctor`s waiting rooms instead of subscribing to magazines.