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My fella asked me to name all my sexual partners. I took a couple of minutes to list them and eventually got to him. Should of stopped there
facebook cuz am too old to have imaginery friends
Statistics show that 3 out of 5 people.. aren`t the other 2.
In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on
A "long story" is just a short story that no one wants to tell.
I don`t have to run faster than the lion, I just have to run faster than you.
I`m scared of the pesticides on this produce, so I guess I`ll run them under cold water for half a second
If you need time alone, announce that it`s time to clean the house.
Dear Cashier: Stop giving me attitude and acting like your job is so complicated and stressful. Self-Checkout has proven that you are really unnecessary.
I don`t normally poop with the door open, but I don`t want to miss the in flight movie
is bored of being bored because being bored is boring.
Firemen, Astronauts, and Doctors are the only people who actually followed through on what they wanted to be when they grew up.
The only b word you should call a woman is beautiful. B!tches love to be called beautiful.
roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poems.. you have nice boobs
Wow, that Macy`s parade is crazy! The Kanye West float just cut off Snoopy and said Woodstock can fly better!