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I`m in a good place right now. Not emotionally....just that I`m at the liquor store.
I`d hate to be a dragon .....I`d get so pissed tryin to blow out my birthday candles.
I’ve never considered myself much of a conspiracy theorist. Then I discovered the letters in Frito Lay could be rearranged to spell Oily Fart- Coincidence?… I think not!!!
Boobs: Proof that men can pay attention to two things at once.
Stole a cart from this woman at Walmart today. I like to think of it as playing grand theft auto suburbs edition.
Just bought two donuts without sprinkles...Diets are hard!
I always give my extra money to Charity. She is usually on the main stage around 11pm.
The only reason I keep my land line is for the eventuality that this is The Matrix.
Since 4th of July falls on a Wednesday do we drink the weekend before? the weekend after? That Wednesday? The entire week? The entire month? The entire year?
I`ll tell you what`s wrong with modern society. Nobody ever drinks out of the skulls of their enemies anymore.
I now have more electronic screens in my life than friends.
You never know what you have until you clean your room.
The best trick the devil ever pulled was calling herself "him".
Apparently asking girl scouts which cookie pairs nicely with whiskey is inappropriate....
Doing donuts in the parking lot sounds fun. Eating donuts in the parking lot sounds better.