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If every U.S. sports team converted to metric, Americans would understand the metric system by the next game.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of a plane
I forgot to make a resolution, so I`m pretty much going to just write out everything I did last night and add the word "stop" to the beginning.
I wanna steal a Krispy Kreme truck and go on a high speed chase just because it`d be funny to watch a bunch of cops chase a donut truck
Yes it may sound childish but if it glows in the dark I still get freaking exited.
The Brain ? Forgets what I want to remember, Remembers what I want to forget.
This "doing nothing" is hard work, how am I supposed to know when I`m done?
“Don’t make me regret this.” -things I think when accepting a friend request.
Old is when you start thinking about the things you used to do more than the things you’re going to do.
Every time I go into my boss` office she tells me "take a seat". I have 14 now.
If any of you ladies want pancakes for breakfast, just come over....you can make them here, because I want some too
What I lack in good decisions, I make up for in inappropriate behavior.
I Hope I can make it through another season of disagreement over the pronunciation of pecan.
Relationship status: Just got screamed at for peeling the carrots wrong.
Don`t send me a ;) face and then wonder why I show up at your house naked.