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People, like prescription drugs, should have to list the side effects they`re likely to cause.
I may not look good naked, but I`m a beautiful person on the insi.... Hahahaha just kidding I look great naked
In an alternate universe cats feed humans Lean Cuisines while muttering "I don`t know how you eat that sh!t".
Swag is for boys. Class is for men.
Boys are like roses, watch out for the pr!cks...
The condoms need to be located in the baby aisle, next to the 30 dollar diapers and 20 dollar formula cans
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza
exactly how long is a cotton picking minute.
$10 says some idiot is gonna hear the word Ebola and think "that`d be a great name for my new baby!"
is a reasonably intelligent person who does moderately stupid things on a semi-regular basis.
The filling in this fortune cookie tastes like paper...
I don’t want to think I’m getting old or anything, but all the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting out of bed.
There`s a time and a place for non-alcoholic beer. Never, and down the drain.
Sometimes the problem with reality is the lack of background music.
When I`m bored, I like to superglue Doritos to my cat and make it run around the house like a stegosaurus.