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I`ll drink enough for both of us, because I`m just a caring person.
Fun thing to do: Go to a parking lot and put sticky notes on peoples cars saying "sorry for the damage" and watch them look for it
I believe in looking out for number one. Especially if the dog is not house trained.
My wife was out of town, so I had to run the morning routine by myself today. I learned a lot. For example, apparently I have two kids.
I`m growing a mullet to test our friendship.
My wife is a perfectionist but she made an exception in my case.
I kinda dig you, want to hang out and stuff until we hate each other?
Just because someone`s richer or more famous or talented doesn`t mean they`re happy. It just means they`re happier than YOU.
She said she was stripping to feed her kids but then got pissed when I started throwing canned goods at her
if a guy tells you you`re ugly ; he wants you, if a girl tells you your ugly; she`s jealouse, if you a kid tells you your`re ugly..... you`re ugly.
Well I made it through the day without beating anyone with a chair. I`d say my people skills are improving.
I`m not giving the kids a time out. I`m giving myself one. The thought of sitting in a corner & being ignored sounds just heavenly.
How many times do I have to say "excuse me" before "get the f*ck out of my way" becomes acceptable?
My best friend sent me a message saying,"Your stupid," I replied,"atleast I know the difference between you`re and your,"
Why do they call it "Jew-ish"? Are they not Jew enough?