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To the people that post 15 pics of your kid everyday,your kid looks EXACTLY the same as they did ystrdy,and the day before,and the day before that
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds. :/
I`m a pretty law abiding citizen, but overweight and out of shape security guards really make me want to test their commitment to the job.
Scott Baio is not a part of the Presidential transition team. I’m really disappointed that Charles is not in Charge of anything.
April Fools Day has been cancelled this year.
I get so confused when I`m about to watch a TV show or movie and "For Mature Audiences Only" appears on the screen. Can I watch or not?
Dear New Years Resolutions People; You don`t have to wait for the New Year to get your sh*t together and become a better person.
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they`re looking for ideas.
Whenever there’s an awkward silence, try whispering, “Did you forget your line?”
I hate how my friends are always trying to convince me to do extreme activities. Like bungee jumping, skydiving or leaving the house.
This is my first status of 2017. Yeah, I thought it would be better too.
Instead of `What`s on your mind?` Facebook should say `Just relax on the couch and tell me all about your problems. Don`t worry, nobody will know`..
You can`t control who comes into your life. But you can control which window you throw them out of.
When I see a girl with a lot of makeup, I want to use my finger and write WASH ME on her face…
I bet if you asked a one-eyed person, they`d tell you it really WAS all fun and games up until that point.