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I`m amazed at how much better my life has been since the iOS 7 update. I bet it would be even better if I owned an iPhone.
Sometimes I like to go to the hardware store and run around with a screwdriver shouting, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a drill!"
Seems like everyone is either trying to pretend they have the life they want, or escape the life they have.
Now it`s too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.
I love salad! Just wish it had the taste and texture of pizza.
A new study says schizophrenia and pot smoking are genetically linked — but don`t worry, another study says you`re just being paranoid.
Married sext: I`m not wearing any underwear, because you never put the f*cking laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 times
I think...therefore, I am.....single
I have a moderate amount of skills in life, but one of those things does NOT include the ability to stop eating.
It’s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
As you get closer and closer to the end of this status, I think it`s important that you lower your expectations.
If you no longer know what day of the week it is, it’s time to get a job.
Some days are better than others. And those days always involve alcohol.
I hate when I wake up in a strange house, & have to go outside to look at a license plate to figure out what state I`m in.
If people who shop at Walmart, “Save Money. Live Better.” Exactly how bad were these people living BEFORE Walmart?