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In Store Special - "You`re My One and Only" Valentine`s Day cards... 4 for $5...
Beer and a 44 magnum with an everclear shot makes everything good like Nintendo
Some of the nicest women you`ll meet on Facebook are men.
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, high, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Friday.
Is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep?
Pick a woman with wits. Wits will never sag.
There are too many people who could ruin my life by posting a screenshot of a text conversation we’ve had.
Things that make women emotional- 1) sad movies 2) love stories 3) anything 4) everything
Every time I stop making bad decisions, I get more and more boring.
Laughter is not the best medicine. Laughter with large amounts of alcohol & wild crazy monkey sex - now that`s the best medicine.
Why are Doctors so afraid of apples?
The only time I`ve ever used sex to get what I want is when I want sex.
The two major causes of depression are: a) having a job, and b) not having a job.
Celebrate Valentines Day responsibly, or you`ll be celebrating Thanksgiving in a maternity ward
I was going to give you a nasty look but I see you already have one!