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I drink to make other people interesting
Am I the only one who runs up on happy couples and yells, "How could you do this to me" and then runs off crying?
I only accept apologies in cash.
Anybody else have that annoying problem of Work and Family interfering with your FaceBook time?
People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
This girl says she wants me to butter her muffin ... I don’t even know what that means, but now I’m hungry.
That sounds fried. I`ll take it.
Whatever Mom, IF THAT`S EVEN YOUR REAL NAME!!!
Lets watch a reality show about nasty rednecks acting like rednecks, but get mad when one of them says something a redneck would say
The truth might set you free, but lying might keep you out of jail.
Sorry I mispronounced your baby`s name you made up.
Struggling to get your wife`s attention?.....just sit down and look comfortable.
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, when I tell people about my accomplishments, they always say, "Big deal."
Anyone else pretend to work all day while thinking about big boobs instead?
After reading some marriage post, I`m beginning to suspect we all may have been married to the same person.