Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Let me be clear, I don`t want to die alone. However I want to be left completely alone until that moment
If Scientists invent a pill to make us immortal, I guarantee I`d choke to death swallowing it.
New camo condoms! She`ll never see you coming again.
You know you are old when your birthday suit doesn`t fit anymore.
Remember to make some bad decisions today. 20 years from now that’s all you’ll have to make your kids think you’re cool.
I`m not judging you, I`m just trying to guess what medications you`re on.
Sorry I didn`t answer when you called, I had 6 Peeps in my mouth
I hope I can still remember the dance to Thriller when I become a Zombie.
Ever look in a mirror wondering about the stranger staring back & then realize it`s your neighbor`s window and they`re calling the cops?
Tried cleaning the house to the A-Team theme and ended up building a tank. So close.
My best stories always end with the words ... "and then I got the hell out of there."
If the shoe fits, shove it further up their a$$
It’s the most wonderful time of the year… to be slowly driven insane by Christmas music.
Ask.com is useless............they have no idea where I put my car keys either
Sorry, I didn’t mean to text you a graphic description of my explosive diarrhea. Stupid autocorrect.