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Please either stop being so attractive or make out with me, it`s your choice.
Why do they play this music on the elevators if we`re not suppose to slow dance.
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig ? The letter F ?
If I could have dinner with anyone either alive or dead. I would totally choose dead. Because, more food for me then.
"If you can`t handle me at my worst, then you don`t deserve me at my best" literally translates to "I`m a loud, sloppy drunk."
So I ran into an old girlfriend who I dated who`s new boyfriend she was with looked exactly like me when I was seeing her. You know, miserable
I hate when people see me at the store and are like "Hey, what are you doing?" I`m like "Oh you know, hunting elephants."
Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they’ll paw at you a bit then give up and go look for food.
I’ve been reading a lot about how to live and eat healthier and then not doing anything with that information.
I WON THE LOTTERY, SCREW YOU ALL! ... Sorry, just practicing
If you aren`t sure if you like someone, here`s a test: imagine they`re dead. Now, was it an accident or did you murder them?
"If your reading this, I think your awesome!"
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
Family and Friends - I am FAR too busy to listen to any of your problems or concerns *Googles do penguins go to heaven?*
I don`t think I have enough money to find long everlasting love.