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A sure fire way to lose an afternoon, is to help a friend out when he says "come on it will only take a half hour to fix"
Heard the local weatherman say, "high in the thirties" & now I know the title to my autobiography.
Sometimes to much to drink is never enough
That "No alcohol beyond this point." sign might as well say "I bet you can´t chug that whole beer!"
If you`ve ever wondered why an animal is stupid enough to run into oncoming traffic on the highway, then you`ve obviously never been married.
my phone battery lasts longer than relationships this days !
There’s so many people I’d love to get the silent treatment from
The only thing actually impossible in life is taking a picture for a group of women and having ALL of them like it.
I`m high as a kite! Let me rephrase that: I`m stuck in a tree.
What do people mean "get ready for bed"? I am ALWAYS ready for bed.
Working in retail has taught me that the customer is always right. At least while they`re in earshot...
B!tches be trippin ... OK, maybe I pushed one.
No matter where you live, there’s always 1 light switch that doesn’t do anything.
I wouldn`t say I`m a stalker so much as I am a covert observation enthusiast.
Grammar. The difference between feeling your nuts, and feeling you`re nuts.