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Oh and BTW,,, Why haven`t Pig Pen`s parents been visited by child services yet?
I swear I heard my dentist whisper "yolo" as he reached for a chisel...
I need an app that shows oncoming traffic on my touchscreen while I`m driving
No need to thank me for accepting your friend request. We`ll both regret it soon enough.
You don’t look like 200 likes in person.
My local hairdresser just got arrested for selling drugs. Unbelievable! I`ve been her customer for 10 years and had no clue she was a hairdresser!
I feel sorry for people who don`t have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.
I`m not sure who`s more drunk, me or the guy wrapped in Christmas lights standing in the mirror.
The word "Saturday" has "turd" in it. Good luck trying to ignore that for the rest of your life, starting now.
There are 2 kinds of people I can’t stand: Nosy people, and people who won’t tell me what in the hell is going on.
This strip mall certainly is misleading And I probably should put my clothes back on now.
Fun Game: Walk down a hallway with both arms outstretched to the walls while shouting, "Hug me or turn around!!!"
One of the biggest decisions when you go to college is whether to join a fraternity or just be an asshole on your own.
If someone farts at a poker tournament, no one will ever know who did it.
The reason I don`t play Scrabble online, is that I can`t throw the tiles at the person who beats me.