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Mowed the lawn yesterday with my shirt off and this morning there were 50 shirts left on my porch with a sign that said, "Please wear."
It`s annoying how when you go to the orchestra, there`s always that one wasted dude up front swaying and waving his arms around the whole time
some people just need a hug...around the neck...with a rope!!
Taking shots of Tequila is just another way of saying, "I like where I wake up to always be a surprise."
Hey.. The tequila I drank wants to tell you a secret.
I hate it when my fat makes me look fat.
I`m not saying your house is haunted, but I think a ghost just ate all of your Gummy Bears while you were in the bathroom.
The best thing about being single is all the sleeping around you can do…I can sleep all over my bed!
If you tell me you`re giving something 110% then I’m assuming the extra 10% is your stupidity.
I have tons of friends! Well i only have one... but she ways a ton!
Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
I dropped my affordable health care because I couldn`t afford it .
Waved to my ex today, next time I might use all my fingers
So you have 820 friends on Facebook and yet no one was around to take your picture when you decided to use the mirror for a good shot?
My credit score is so bad I have started receiving pre-declined credit card offers