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I have done some truly amazing things to get the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube.
I went to see a psychiatrist today. He told me I had a split personality and charged me $160. I gave him $80, and told him to get the rest from the other a$$hole!
The best way to deal with dumb people is to never leave your house sober
You are so selfish! You´re going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night!
Next time a skinny bitch calls herself fat… I’m gonna agree with her.
Any time that I see someone wearing crocs, I assume they lost a bet.
Punctuality is a waste of time since no one is ever there to appreciate it.
People who make really bad decisions are always like "I have the worst luck"
I never wanted to grow up, I just wanted to be tall enough to reach the cookies.
Would people still go to the gym if Instagram didn`t exist?
When I wake up at night, I reach out to you, I love you not for what you look like, I love you for what you have inside - Me to my fridge
I will resolve to spend less time on Facebook..............ok, got that one out of the way.....................
Since light travels faster than sound, isn`t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those medications.
Stop leaving me messages. If I ever wanted to talk to you again, I wouldn’t have borrowed all that money.