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Doing pretty good so far on my 1500 calorie a day diet as long as I don`t eat anything else today and tomorrow.
How to find the perfect husband: Play monopoly with him. if he chooses the iron, he`s the one
Why don`t prison inmates just use liquid soap?
Common sense is like deodorant; those that need it most, don’t use it.
I`m pretty sure my Internet Explorer “error reports” end up the same place my letters to Santa do.
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot” ...you`re wasting everybody’s time.
Australian kiss. It`s kind of like a French kiss, but down under.
Who named them veterinarians and not "dogtors"?
How do people dumb enough to buy $500 sunglasses make enough money to buy $500 sunglasses?
I hate it when totally random strangers ask me stupid questions like "Why are you licking me?"
The hour that we lose this weekend is the one that I was planning on going to the gym.
I only use elevators for one thing. Surprise group hugs
I don’t mean to brag but when I’m at the Taco Bell drive thru placing my order, I don’t even look at the prices.
I hate people who take drugs ... Customs for example.
Ok everyone enough of your "family" time, come back to the internet. We are your real family.