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"Everyone give us money in case something happens and when something happens we`ll call you a liar." -insurance
Oh no! I have to enter my date of birth to view this explicit content! Damn this internet security!
My internet addiction is getting alt of ctl.
I just ran 3.5 miles in 30 minutes! Ha! Just kidding, I ate some ice cream.
363 shopping days `til Christmas and some people already have their lights up.
Doctor: Do you drink alcohol? Me: Why? What`ve you got?
My car broke down outside a massage parlor on today ... And again tomorrow.
Sometimes I`ll go out in public and socialize with people, those times are called alibis.
POLITICS; from `poly` meaning `many and `Tics` meaning blood-sucking creatures. Just sayin`
TRUE FRIENDSHIP: Walking into a persons house and your wifi connects automatically.
Remember, I`m always here if you need shoulders for your ankles to lie on.
Don’t break anyone’s heart; they only have one. Break they’re bones. They have over 200 of them.
Guys be like, "Lets play 21 question." Girl: Ok, what`s your favorite color? Boy: Triangle, so you a virgin?
I have some serious self-esteem issues. The last time I posted a selfie I first cropped myself out of it.
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don`t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!