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Watching a funny movie after watching a scary one too try to reduce the risk of nightmares.
Sometimes when I`m bored I crawl into a corner of my room and pretend I`m a person.
I cant afford a Snuggie so I just wear my robe backwards...
If history repeats itself, I´m totally getting a dinosaur.
I wonder if the Ziploc bag company secretly lobbies to keep marijuana illegal.
I wish the Microsoft Paperclip would just pop up when I’m making a questionable decision for my life.
It`s about time the government enacted a law that keeps dumb and stupid people away from playing any role in society.
I got a free wallet and watch today. It`s like this gun is magic.
My phone dies faster than a black man in a horror film.
It`s never good when Human Resources sends you an email and the subject line is "Your Facebook Activity".
I`m bored, I think I`ll ask my boyfriend if I look fat. - women
When is National Slap a Co-worker Day? ... Please say tomorrow
Is everything expensive or am I simply poor?
If you cannot FACE your problem, then the problem is your FACE.
I`m going to clean my house today and by clean I mean I`m drinking vodka and spraying Febreze everywhere.