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Roadside sobriety tests are getting ridiculous...Last night I had to fold a fitted sheet.
Just for fun, next time you see a snooty, rich woman at the grocery store, ask her if she works there.
A synonym is a word you use when you can`t remember how to spell the other word.
This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. Were this to be an actual emergency you’d be screwed, because no one takes this seriously.
I use to be addicted to soap, but now I`m clean
I`m already going to hell ... now I`m just trying to get a good spot.
Do crabs think we walk sideways?
I`m not the type of person you want to put on speakerphone.
I always pick up a huge cucumber up at walmart and yell to my wife "you said you wanted the biggest one right" Because I`m a great husband
Describe myself in three words ... 1. Lazy
Some psychologists say that sleeping naked can help boost a person`s confidence, but nobody in this park seems to appreciate it.
It really pisses me off when I plan a conversation in my head and the other person doesn’t follow the damn script.
I was chasing my dreams, but I tripped over reality and busted my head on the truth.
Bring a side? Like, of alcohol?
I’m moving to Africa. Apparently there I can eat for 12 cents a day.