Daily Silly Status

If every U.S. sports team converted to metric, Americans would understand the metric system by the next game.

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will only be jingling "part" of the way this year, as usual ur patience is appreciated.

If you ever want to watch a women feel herself up for ten minutes, hide her cellphone.

I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it!

I`m not the type of person you should put on speaker phone

We`re all brave until we realize the cockroach has wings

I`m a passionate supporter of things that don`t inconvenience me or require any type of action or physical effort.

If your problem can`t be solved by me saying "damn" and nodding a lot, then you shouldn`t come to me for help.

I just told my wife it took her longer to pick a Netflix movie than it took me to pick out her engagement ring and that was a bad analogy.

As My Wife walked by, she said, "NICE PORN STASH!" which got me all excited and I preceded to show her where I hide the really raunch stuff. She then clarified that she was talking about the ugly hair I`ve been trying to grow above my lip, and now, I have neither... :)

You say you want to bring me back to reality. You’re assuming I’ve been there before.

Every time my daughter drinks juice she says "cheers" so.... no, not looking forward to parent teacher conferences.

I love you Mario, but you need to stop taking shrooms, breaking into haunted houses, and killing turtles! You have a dinosaur to take care of.

I drive safer when there`s food on my passenger seat than when there`s a person sitting there.

Apparently my "Please STFU" face bears a strong resemblance to my "Oh, Please Keep Talking" face.