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Sent my ex a card that said, "Get better soon." He`s not ill, just really crappy in bed.
Billy Ray Cyrus made a million dollars at a playgirl photo shoot. He just started taking his clothes off and they paid him to put them back on.
You hate me? I didn’t even know you existed.
Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit? Asking for a friend.
20 years from now, some adults are going to say they grew up on the “bad part of town,” meaning there was no 4G in that area.
Sorry, I`m in a hurry, lets talk while we walk... You go that way.
You`re about 8 beers away from being my type.
If Facebook changed "poke" to "stab" I would use it all the time.
It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married, right?
I wouldn`t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
You know it`s a really good bar when there`s a couple outside breaking up.
I can eat a piece of pie without a plate or a fork what else should I write on this dating site profile?
A day without sunshine is like, you know... night
I had a very confident breakdown today. ...Wasn`t nervous at all. ;)
My mind is telling me nooo... But my body... My body`s telling me yesss...BABY. Cashier: Sir...would you like fries with that or not?