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Partying on my level requires years of training.
I hate those idiots with those bright halogen lights that are blinding, at least they can see my one finger salute.
My Christmas tree smells like pine, and is hanging from the shift lever in my car.
I thought I was having déjà vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
Not to brag, but I don`t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
Ever seen a person so disgusting you hold your breath when you walk by them? Yea I have.
I try to live by two rules: 1. Don’t make fun of stupid people (they cant help it) 2. Don’t be stupid (people will make fun of you)
Today, I am doing my part to conserve energe, I’m going back to bed.
I`d do anything to lose 20lbs. Well, except for eating healthy or working out.
I`ve just realised that I`ve got one of those cool body types that can eat whatever I want and get fat.
I wish I could commute by roller coaster.
If you could see what goes on inside my head, you would have nightmares for weeks!
Things ain`t nobody got time for: That
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.
I did a terrible job preparing for my Blue Man Group audition and boy is my face red