Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Say what you want about Kim and Kanye naming their daughter North West. That kid is headed straight to the top. And slightly to the left.
I don`t know how the law of averages works, but you`d think after 25yrs of marriage I`d be right at least once
Got kicked out of the local casino again. Apparently, gold chocolate coins mess up their slot machines or something.
Few things are creepier than someone saying "I know" after you introduce yourself.
I said "Candyman" 5 times into the bathroom mirror and sure enough some woman came out of the stall and screamed at me for being in there.
I did not say you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you`re thinking.
Facebook looks so boring on the outside, but once you start using it, its like NARNIA BRO!
Finding friends with the same disorder as you... priceless!
If I don`t remember what I did, don`t ruin it for me by reminding me.
Takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do ...
Facebook- to help future generations discover if there`s ever been any mental illness in the family.
Spent morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
My wife asked about my wildest sex fantasy, but she got pissed when I told her. I probably shouldn’t have started w/ “After your funeral...”
A high-pressure hose will usually stop a coworker from showing you any more baby photos.
In theory, sex should be grosser than letting someone borrow your toothbrush, but it`s not.