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Why do some people call it a "tuna-fish" sandwich? It`s not like anyone calls it a "chicken-bird" sandwich.
What`s the right age to stop running naked from the bedroom to the bathroom?
I hate when I go to pump gas only to find out that the little metal "handle hold up thingy" is broken, so I have actually squeeze and hold the handle. I hate it for two reasons: 1) its gross and i just wanna peel my hand skin off like gloves when im done. 2) it makes me realize how lazy I am.
Any pencil can be a number two pencil if you eat it.
I sometimes worries about my short attention span, ...but not for very L... hey! ... look at that squirrel!
I hate it when Hippos fall on me when walking home from school... :D
The first snow of spring is always the most beautiful
Tampon commercials create an unrealistic expectation of how much fun it is to be around menstruating women.
What do bats eat that makes their sh!t our standard for crazy?
The moment when someone says a word and everyone laughs, including you and then someone goes, "Do you know what that means?" and you go "No, not really."
Lazy Rule: If you spill water, It will eventually dry.
I mean, I don`t even call it a hangover anymore. It`s just morning.
I have decided to follow my dreams.....starting with that one where I am naked at work.
If you love someone, set them free. If they don’t come back, text them when you’re drunk.
That time Homer`s arms were stuck in a vending machine until he realized he could just let go is basically what all of life is like