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I wish my mind had a delete button.
DUI attorneys should buy some ad space on those Taco Bell hot sauce packets.
Just saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster, I had to step in, They couldn`t even lift him, We high-fived & laughed
I could do so much more if I only had minions.
My bank is the worst. They`re charging me money for not having enough money in my account. Apparently, I can`t even afford to be broke.
I don’t drink water, unless it’s been through a brewery first.
If people winked in real life as much as they do in texts, the world would be a really creepy place.
You’ve never truly lived until someone has posted a sign because of something you’ve done.
Why do I even have unlimited texting?
The best revenge is to kidnap your enemy, tie him up, then pop bubble wrap in front of him and make him watch.
I own a shop selling `CLOSED` signs. We haven`t had a single customer today.
I went for window shopping , and guest what , I bought four windows....
uncle Sam can`t be related to me because family wouldn`t do me like this.
People think I`m a hugger, but I`m actually shaking them down for snacks.
Due to political correctness issues, "Krazy Glue" will now be known as "Mental Disorder Glue."