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cable TV.... helping us avoid Presidential speeches for nearly four decades
If you`re out running in jeans, I`m gonna go ahead and assume you just participated in a felony.
One trenta cheeseburger please.
Attention fuels immaturity
WEB MD should have a simple answer like “Calm down-you probably just ate too many cookies!”
Can`t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
John has 35 candy bars. If John eats 27 of them what does he have? .... Diabetes. John has diabetes.
I think today I`m going to cut off the sleeves of my snuggie and walk around the neighborhood pretending I`m in a Clint Eastwood western movie.
Daylight Savings makes us lose an hour... It’s kind of like Facebook.
I hate when I accidentally eat everything in sight.
I`m so, so sorry I started the whole Facebook Is Going To Start Charging thing. I didn`t think it would go THIS far..... sorry
I`m not saying I`m out of shape but I just stretched, got winded, and need to lie down
Live each day like someone else is paying for drinks
My posts come from a dark place.. I haven`t paid my light bill in 3 months.
How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.