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is tring to fool people into thinking I have a social life by going offline from Facebook for a few hours.
It isn`t until your kids start talking back that you realize dogs would`ve been a better option.
My son asked what it is like to be married, so I deleted all the music on his ipod except 1 song.
45 minutes on the treadmill is no big deal if you don`t turn it on
At work, sometimes I secretly brew decaf coffee in the normal pot so that everyone else works at my pace.
My life is a constant cycle of waiting until the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
I kinda dig you, want to hang out and stuff until we hate each other?
Textaphrenia – thinking you’ve heard or felt a new text message vibration when there is no message.
I did not mean to hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I just figured you already knew.
I want to grow old and disgusting with you.
I was at a nice restaurant tonight and accidentally left out a loud fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
I`m not interested in anything that requires 5 hours of energy.
If I was on drugs, this post would be amazing.
gone fishing ¸.·´¯`·.¸><((((º>
I`m honest, so when I say I took a "cat nap" that means that I slept for 18 hours and then pissed on your favorite shirt after I woke up.