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Bigger isn`t always better. Thighs, for example.
To all my friends who post Controversial, Obscene, Dirty, Offensive, and Derogatory posts, .. Keep that sh!t up. I like it....
A drunk man walks into a bar...but enough about me...
Can we just stop with the pre-sliced cheese? Is anyone so busy that they don’t have time to cut the cheese?
Why is it that when you work very hard, you say you are working like a dog? Every dog I`ve ever known is lazy and sleeps 16 hours a day.
All I`m saying is that if you were a real psychic palm reader you would of made me wash my hands first.
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I`m part of the other 3%.
The ideal man doesn`t smoke, doesn`t drink, doesn`t do drugs, doesn`t swear, doesn`t get angry, doesn`t exist
"I don`t see color." - A person who shouldn`t eat snow.
As funny as it might be, It`s never polite to yell "Tuba Lesson!" Before farting.
God gives us only what we can handle... Apparently God thinks I am a bad-ass.
My box of animal crackers says "May contain nuts." So I`m inspecting each animal before I eat it...just in case.
Saying "think outside the box" is a pretty inside the box suggestion.
Looks don’t matter to me if you’re attractive.
funny status idea: a funny and popular one