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Does it count as saving someone`s life if you just refrain from killing them?
Roman Numerals...what are they good IV?
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks I should skip work tomorrow.
When I go to someone’s house & they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don’t like visitors.
If you guys could read my mind! It would be all like; " "
I don`t have a drinking problem, I just celebrate everything! Like the fact that shirts have armholes, I`ll be celebrating that tonight.
I exercised once, but found I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous.
Calm down shouty museum man. I think it`s pretty obvious that I know how to ride a dinosaur skeleton.
To the makers of rice cakes; thanks for nothing!
FYI: You can`t beat rock-paper-scissors with yourself in the mirror.
Ever drink so much your wife makes sense? Me neither...But I keep trying
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
I`m gonna just take a quick nap before I go to bed.
I could actually watch golf on TV if Land Mines were involved.
The new iPhone will have a finger print scanner. Or, in other words, Apple is about to amass the largest database of biometric data in the world. I’m sure the people of NSA are dancing like little school girls right now.