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If you make something easier for yourself they call you lazy. If you make something easier for everyone else they call you a genius.
keeps getting dirty voicemails from unknown numbers. If it`s you.. Send more
You`ve never been truly drunk until you`ve had to use a barstool as a walker to get home.
My innocent look never works in the nude.
My friend on Facebook "Can`t believe its Monday again already"... if only there were some way for her to calculate the order in which days occur.
I was all depressed last night, so I called "Lifeline". Got a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck
My 12 step program means parking closer to the bar.
Trying to achieve the perfect erection. How hard could it be?
I`m beginning to think they invented the wireless mouse just so there was one less thing to use to hang yourself with at work.
You may think it`s bad grammar but I assure you it`s just laziness.
Destiny may decide who touches your Life. Your heart may decide who touches your Soul. But…Tequila decides who touches your body
I`m no cactus expert, but I know a pr!ck when I see one
Coffee gives me the illusion I`m actually awake
Most people who think I`m a nice person have no idea that I`d trade any one of my kids for a deep dish pizza.
Don`t you hate it when you`re typing something and you`re thinking about something else so then you subconsciously type what you were boobies.