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Ain’t no sandwich when she’s gone.
Always have a goal. Example: Turn as much alcohol into urine as you can.
I will be posting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
Is it just me, or does this gravy I made taste like scotch? Anyway, best Thanksgiving EVER!
Double Stuff Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
Let me be honest, I dont even walk a mile in my own shoes.
if ever you need NOTHING, im here for you.
A colon is used to indicate a list of elements to the sentence preceding it. A semicolon is for making winky faces.
Know why girls cross their arms when they`re angry? Boobs. Just a little reminder of who`s in charge around here.
I`ll be damned if after the 5 longest minutes of my life i am going to "allow to cool in microwave for 1 minute"!
Some parts of the world use Facebook to overthrow evil dictators. Me? I just want you all to know how delicious my sandwich is.
You`re the reason I wake up everyday. Just kidding I have a job.
I’m totally fine with favoritism as long as I’m the favorite.
Who wants to go Smart Car Tipping?
You`re such a slut, the only reason why you wear panties is to keep your ankles warm.