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My kids keep bugging me about dinner even after I told them I already ate...
Your outfit says you work in an office, but your shoes say it might have a pole in it
Sometimes, I`ll start a text with "lol" if it might be a sensitive subject. Like, "lol it`d be cool if you moved out."
If I ran the country, things would be a lot better ... Well, for me anyway.
I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.
I bet Snowmen think it`s weird that the ground is completely covered in their skin.
I was all depressed last night, so I called "Lifeline". Got a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck
Holy sh*t! Did you guys know Facebook has a "sign out" button?
If you died and went to he!l, how long will it take you to realise that you aren`t still at work?
When Miley is naked & licks a hammer it’s “art” & “music” ... but when I do it, I`m “wasted” & “have to leave Home Depot"
I have a tattoo of a gigantic bruise on my left ankle in case anyone ever asks me to go hiking. Or help them move.
Besides being curled up on the bathroom floor convinced I was dying from liver failure for a few hours, last night was fun.
In the word "scent" is it the s that is silent or the c?
Me: I must be out of my mind. Me: You and me both.
Today’s forecast.. mostly cloudy with a 99.9% chance of alcohol