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A friend doesn`t question your motive, they just keep their mouth shut and dig.
Are nap dates a thing? Because that`s something I can work with...
They say that being successful and living well is the best revenge. That may be so, but rubbing your naked ass all over someone`s cell phone when they aren`t looking is pretty good too ?
The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you dont have to mow it.
The part of "no" that I don´t understand is the part where I don´t get what I want
A fun way to give your man a little scare is to ask him, "Do you know what tomorrow is?" and watch the panic set in.
Always wonder why do people even bother making good quality pinatas?
It`s all fun and games until you find out she`s a psychotic bitch...
I watch so many crime shows on Tv, that when I turn off the Tv set, I wipe my fingerprints 0ff the remote.
Relationships are like bathrooms. I`m in them a lot longer than I need to be, probably cause I`m playing on my phone the whole time.
Okay im going to make myself a sandwich, and i better have some votes when i come back. -.-
People are like dogs: There`s always someone who loves you for you and there`s someone who just peed in an inappropriate place.
If lemons hand you life, you’re probably dyslexic
Women who tell me I have commitment issues have never seen me with a large pizza.
I want the drugs of the first guy who was like "DUDE, let`s carve a face into a pumpkin."