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Trust me, you want me medicated!!
All I`m saying is that the cheese grater wouldn`t have 4 sides if they wanted you to wash it after every use.
The patience I have for my kids is directly proportional to the amount of people watching me.
Doctor told me I need glasses. So I`m having several tonite.
Forget the hero part, I just like the fact that Batman punches clowns.
Father: Earlier you used to call me papa but now dad, why? Daughter: Come on dad, calling you PAPA spoiles my lipstick.
If its true we`re here to help others, then what exaclty are the others here for?
is cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
This year thousands of men will die from stubbornness....NO WE WON`T!!
The list of things I won’t eat if covered in chocolate gets smaller everyday.
Share this if you know someone who is alive today simply because you don`t want to go to prison.
Life gets expensive when you trust a woman that`s cute.
Judging by the commercials, only old white guys with sailboats can suffer from erectile dysfunction.
When I`m CEO of Subway, employees will no longer be called "sandwich artists." They will be "sub humans."
It’s a holiday. You know what that means… Ten million status updates saying the exact same thing. Get ready.