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So vegetarians eat vegetables... I think I`m going to play it safe and avoid humanitarians.
So after vacuuming with the new Dyson, I`m pleasantly surprised to learn that the carpet upstairs is actually hardwood.
Meanwhile on Facebook, someone has made a casserole...
You can`t fight Destiny. Because if you try to fight Destiny, then you have to fight the bouncers and the rest of the strippers too...
Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?
If you think your wife has a sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose pedals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes
How to cuss a kid out... "Shut the fudge up you little astronaut! You son of a batch of cookies! What the helicopters are you doing?!"
Pay no attention to the device around my ankle.
Somewhere out there is a guy named Joe whose greatest achievement is that he was a really sloppy eater.
How come they didn`t call this years game the BUD bowl?
My ex-girlfriend said she broke up with me because I was childish and immature. I think it`s because she`s a big dumb stinky head that`s jealous of my awesome Transformers collection.
You sure do seem to know a lot about love and relationships for someone who spends 22 hours a day on Facebook.
That sound you hear when you already closed the cupboard & hear something fall -yeah, that’s the sound of someone else’s problem.
Be Poor... Its Cheaper :)
A movie ticket for a baby should cost at least $50.