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Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza
Relax, you’re not paranoid at all. Everyone is talking about you.
What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer, & a pregnant girl have in common? In each scenario, there`s a dumb guy who didn`t take it out in time.
Flip flops are fun because every time you take a step it`s like a high-five for your feet.
Everytime I find the key to happiness, somebody changes the lock.
I should never have climbed into this vat of curdled milk. I`m in whey over my head.
There are other things in life besides sex and alcohol. Those other things all suck, but they do exist, I assume.
My sleep number is 100 proof.
Somebody told me I`m horrible with names.
Up to date Girl Scout cookie sales by states: California: 138,000 Boxes Florida: 129,000 Boxes Virginia: 126,000 Boxes Colorado: 8 Million Boxes
Your secrets are safe with me because I zone out everytime you speak.
It`s ok to admit when you`re wrong. Just don`t tell anyone.
If you trip and are about to fall on the ground yell "He`s got a gun!" and then you`ll look like a cool hero.
Abstinence makes the arm grow stronger ... at least one of them anyway.
I say No to drugs but they... won`t listen.