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Sorry I pissed you off, but I find you much more entertaining this way.
I made a p@nis out of Legos. A literal c*ck block.
Of course you look good; I don`t have ugly friends.
My doctor said I`m healthy enough for sexual activity ... I`m just not attractive enough.
What if all this time it`s been Chicken that taste like Frog legs????
Phones are getting smarter and thinner. People, not so much.
Kids are like debit cards. I get yelled at when I accidentally leave them at the store.
My wife and I decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty hard.
It`s bigger on the inside..said no woman, ever!
I remember when going viral meant having to tell several people they better get tested.
I’ve always wanted to climb Mt. Everest…just not more than I don’t want to.
If anyone is interested I`ll be signing books tomorrow at Barnes & Noble from 6:00pm until I get escorted out by security.
Ever notice how it`s never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes?
"I understand your logic, but let`s try to look at this more emotionally." - women
I saw a bug crawling on my arm and my reaction can only be described as "grabbing for swirling dollars inside a Plexiglas Cash Cube."