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We got about 5-6 inches of snow here in the last 24 hrs, or, according to men, we got 8 inches.
my ex girlfriends started they`re own website they call it two faced book...
You call it being sober. I call it on my way to the liquor store.
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes.
If Monday had a face... I`d punch it.
The phrase, “Don’t take this the wrong way” has a zero percent success rate.
I need my decision making privileges taken away.
Sometimes you have got to talk to a 3year old toddler in order to understand the meaning of happiness in life.
Sometimes I miss being in a relationship, but then I look at my wallet and I feel alright again.
Arguing politics is like trying to convince someone that their baby isn`t cute.
It doesn`t take much to make a woman happy, but it takes even less to make her mad.
The coolest tourist attraction in the world is the Sistine Chapel, because it`s full of ceiling fans.
Call me old school, but cigarettes should not have USB ports
They say laughter is the best medicine... found out that`s not true for treating diarrhea.
"F*ck that sh!t", is a perfectly acceptable replacement for the word "no"